gun-shot holiday

25-sept-2008
keeping in line with today's world of reality shows, this post will tell the tale of my suddenly-planned-holiday - today, my 'holiday' is a fuzzy desire to go to bombay for a week. my plans to take my holiday in end october got turned around by bad project timings, and i applied for my leave for the whole of next week - with an initial plan of visiting manila to see my aunt and uncle.

i was about to book my ticket when it suddenly hit me that i am still stuck with an indian passport - which means no free entry to most parts of the world. (&*$%@#^!@$% - if you've read 'asterix' comics, you will know what this stands for).

i can't get my visa to any place within two days, which leaves me few options - the most feasible of which is to visit india. but i don't want to go back to madras, my birth-city, for some deep personal reasons, and a sheer lack of boredom with the place.

suddenly, bombay came to mind. i visited the city only once in 2004, and wanted to go back there again. but the ticket prices are exorbitant (even while on promotion). the check factor is that i have my cousin there and will be able to scale back on paying for accommodation.

what do i do?

so here i am, typing away at my office (while furtively looking behind to make sure no one is looking at my screen). i have no idea if i will take the flight to bombay or cancel my leave. keep waiting as i am to see how the story unfolds.

26-Sept-2008

i met a friend for lunch yesterday afternoon, and sounded out the idea of going to bombay to her. her enthusiasm was infectious and i called up my agent and booked my ticket. i was also playing with the thought of borrowing my dad's credit card number to book online and maybe save some money on the web offers.

my holiday seemed to be falling in place, and i was happily contemplating the coming days. but the evening threw a new twist or more like a wrench into the process - my dad is en transit for work and was due to leave today to another place, but for unavoidable reasons, his plans suddenly got changed and he is here now without any clear idea of when he will be leaving or just where he will go.

if things were different, i could tell my dad to stay in my appartment and whiz off on my holiday, but i don't feel right doing that.

so for now, i am stuck with no idea of what is going to happen - with my fingers crossed that things will still somehow work out and i will be sitting in changi airport waiting to take off by tomorrow evening.

its a long shot, but who knows - maybe, just maybe, i might get lucky :)

27-sept-2008

in about 10 minutes, i will be leaving my house to get to changi airport and catch a jet airways plane to mumbai!! yipppeee!! :)

my dad's flight plans worked out and i had initially planned to leave on Sunday. i called my cousin to tell him of the plans when he wondered aloud as to why i was wasting one day of the weekend (the only time he gets off). after a 2-minute discussion, i called up the travel agent and changed the day, then hurriedly showered and left the house.

all this occurred on saturday morning - i was to collect my ticket by 1pm, pick up some travel essentials, pack and leave for the airport by 5pm. it was a mad rush, but i somehow managed to overcome it and reach the airport on time.

i had no idea of which terminal i was to go to. the taxi man insisted on taking me to terminal 1, whereupon i realised that i was supposed to be in terminal 3. i took the skytrain there - on the train, some kids were excitedly climbing on ther seats and walking around. i maintained a cool composure, but within was a desire to run around shouting 'wheeee!'. later, sitting at the burger king in terminal 3 and muching on a fry, it almost seemed unbeleivable. a holiday planned in three days - its fun. i plan to do it again!

the grass on this side

we are living amidst what will soon go down as the biggest economic boo-boo after the great depression in the 1930s. banks are collapsing around us, the US feds and some of the top executives of the thus-far-top companies have been working 24-hour-days to save the last dregs of their stocks, and some very rich people have suddenly become paupers. 

whatever else it may have in terms of lessons to learn, it sure has taught a lot of people the value of gratitude and the fact that the grass is not always greener on the other side. until a couple of weeks back, making it into merill lynch or lehman brothers called for a bottle of champagne - now, many of the bankers are probably putting up their stock of wine on ebay to pay off their debts. 

i was reflecting on this, and thanking the unseen heavenly forces above that my not-so-highly-paying job can at least still help to pay for my rent. i went to see my boss about something, when this issue cropped up (its sad and bad, but its the talk of the town), and he put an even bigger spin on it - 'imagine if you were a rising executive in lehman, who recently bought a posh flat in manhattan - now you're broke, your wife wants to divorce you, and all the stocks that made you a millionaire are worthless.' 

i am not suggesting that the rest of the world celebrate - it would be in bad taste. neither do i suggest passing hats around to start a help-the-bankers-fund - they were the smartest of us all, they will find a way to survive. 

what i do want to say through this ramble of words is this - the grass is not always greener on the other side. if it is, it may just be made of plastic!

the 'perfect' marriage

my friend sent me an article forwarded to her email. the article is titled 'finding and keeping a life partner' written by someone called 'dov heller, M.A.' (im guessing the M.A. is proof of her credentials to sit us down and tell us about life, rather than some family-name-initials.)  

anyway, the article begins with a profoundly obvious statement - everyone gets married with the perfect marriage in mind, but about half of them end up in divorce. right. she goes on to say that most of the people make a mistake of marrying the people they 'love'. (*gasp* - and here i was foolishly thinking that love is what makes the world go around.) 

anyway, the key point of the article is this - love doesn't work. put your brain to work and ask 5 key questions before committing to a person, to remain married until one or both of you die (pragmatic restatement of 'until death do us part'). they are: 1. do you both share a common life purpose?; 2. do i feel safe expressing my thoughts and feelings with this person?; 3. is he/she a sensitive/refined person, who is always trying to do good?; 4. how does he/she treat other people?; 5. am i hoping to change this person after marriage? 

i leave it to you to figure out as to what should be the 'right' answers.

i would like to put in one little footnote: ask any single person who is on the lookout and they will agree that it is becoming increasingly hard to find a person who you get along with so well that you are willing to consider living together for the rest of your life. it is a tad surprising, but everyone around you would be getting hitched, including the person you set your eyes on, except you. 

i wonder then, how many singles would be willing to put themselves through such an acid test and risk losing the person, rather than using the time to plan the wedding. i mean, if you can bum on the couch/go for a movie/dance/hike together and come back feeling like you had a great time, why not? yes, i know ms. heller might say it is a recipe for disaster, but it does seem more practical. 

that aside, i am always amazed at just how many interpretations have sprung up on this subject of love and marriage. it has been compared to waiting for a bus, a star wars-type-alliance between aliens from mars and venus, a box of chocolates, a roll of the dice, and even an unknown and unknowable inscription on our foreheads. wow.

a lot of thought apparently goes into marriages these days. a reporter from a magazine once interviewed my grandparents as to the success of their 75-year marriage (divorce was not an option back then, but there were run-away husbands and wives) my grandmother's answer was quite simple - "we never thought about whether we were happy or not - we were married, that's all."

no, don't get me wrong. in this age of technological advances, i am not suggesting that we abandon our brains. but i am not going to add any more notes to the check list on what-to-look for/do-before-you-say-yes. 

why? because i don't know what love is all about. i cant describe it, i cant say where or how you find it, and i cant say how one can confirm if what they are feeling is love or if it is just an endorphin or adrenaline induced high. 

but i do know one thing - that there are couples in this world who have found it. i see it in their contented smiles, in their care to ensure that everything is just right for each other over simple things, in their longing to head home to spend time with their other half. and this is what i see a few weeks, months and many years of marriage - somehow, life with all its downpours of drudgeries never seems to dampen their bond. 

these couples are ironically the ones who never offer advice on love or marriage - maybe because some of the greatest nuggets of wisdom can never be told. they can only be felt and experienced.

maybe i should add a bullet to the checklist - "none of the above"